I play roller derby and it consumes almost every part of my life. It's not a bad thing, please dont be mistaken. I choose this. But it is hard to understand if you aren't involved. Some people think about it like a cult. I prefer to think about it like a lifestyle. You become a derby girl (or guy) and things change.
It all started about 3 years ago, when someone casually mentionned it on my gym's website. I am the cliche girl who had recently seen "Whip It" and wondered (out loud) if it was something I could do. I quickly dismissed it because there was no way I was that cool. Only cool people played roller derby. Also, roller derby would never happen in my small town. Also I had no skating background. Also, again there was no possible way I could do something so cool. Yet somehow, amidst doubts and neurosis, I ordered skates, I trusted myself to try it and now I play, alot.
The first time I laced up, I was terrified. I had no knowledge about anything skate-related. I just trusted a friend who did. My (then) husband joked about my inability to properly stand, or even stop. It was more than true. I threw myself on the lawn the first time I wanted to stop. That was my baseline. I was that girl. Playing and skating with other people seemd almost impossible when I needed my front lawn to safely stop. Yet somehow, despite my extreme anxiety, I showed up to my first practice. It wasn't pretty.
Little by little, I learned to trust my legs. I started to training off skates, with a view to improving my skating. I learned that while I am not fast, or agile, that I am solid and strong and can work on improving my weaknesses. I learned that girls of all backgrounds, shapes, sizes, colors, beliefs and experiences could form a great pack, if they were all dedicated to the same goal.
I have learned that my body can do amazing things, even pushing 40. I have learned to trust my instinct and my heart. I have learned that people can astound and surprise you, in the most beautiful of ways. I have learned that aggression and elegance can coexist on a circular track. I have learned that I can sometimes do what once seemed impossible.
The thing about roller derby, aside from the practices, the dry land training, the bouts, the training camps, the committee work and the emails....is that it creeps into your heart, when you aren't even looking. It takes up residence in your thoughts and in your social life. You soon start to make plans around it. You one day start to daydream about it. You eventually start to think about little else...and you are strangely ok with it.
This weekend...just a little over three years after buying my first pair of skates, after countless hours of practice, a dislocated shoulder, a concussion, many tears, many beers and more laughter and fun than I can remember having since my teenage years...I am lacing up as Captain of Team Disciples in a co-ed roller derby game. I haven't yet decided or committed to playing another season, so this could very well be my last game. And if it is, I can think of no greater way than to end on this note.
Roller derby saved my soul.
It's Tuesday. So tell me, how did it go?!
ReplyDeleteAnd why would you stop?