I am a sucker for sexy. It feeds me and makes me feel alive. Some people crave mountains and fresh air. I crave the intertwine of limbs, fistfulls of hair and the stealing of a breath from my lover's mouth. I dream of skin, tangled sheets, sweat and moans. I love moans. A moan can communicate a whole paragraph at a time.
I didn't know, before recently, that my thoughts on sex might be anything but normal. I thought everyone imagined getting friends and aquaintances naked, even innappropriate ones and blushed when they had to share a car ride or line up for coffee. It doesn't mean you love someone. It means you lust for them. There is a real difference, if you care to admit it. Who knows what truth actually lies between someone's sheets. There is a part of someone that you can only ever get to know, when you are sharing pleasure.
I've always deeply understood most men when they discussed libido and thinking about sex all day long. I've never flinched or questionned; I related. And whenever a woman spoke about her lack of libido, or her ability (or worse pride) in going for days and weeks and months without sex, I thought she was exaggerating. Why would you want to go without something that feels so good. There have been exceptions...an occasional female who was like minded...or an occasional male who had low drive, but these have been my experiences so far. There is a whole other post about about my past relationships to sex and control and abuse, but it's not what keeps me up at night. Sex and everything surrounding is what sets my mind on fire at 4am.
My relationship with sex keeps evolving. And I keep seeking to understand it on a more philosophical and emotional level. I now own my desire. I share it with those I trust, or those I choose. I now see that sex has power and can be used as a drug, a shield or as a weapon. It opens doors and reels people in. It reasserts control or pushes people away.
Except that really and truly, there are times that sex doesn't do any of those things. I only want it to do all of those things.
So that is one more thing I have learned about sex.
One never stops learning about sex.
ReplyDeleteConfession: The only thing that competes with sex for me is sleep. The desire is there, but sleep interrupts that desire like a 2 yr old barfing in your bed, reminding me that I have to get up soon. I REALLY wish it didn't. I wish I could say "fuck you sleep, I don't need you". Maybe I should just tell him wake me up a little earlier. Morning sex is soooo nice to wake up to.